good/bad

i'm in arlington.

it feels good.

i've been here a lot lately. it's good and bad.

good that i only live 2 hours away and can get here every weekend if i need to.

good that i can hang with all my siblings. they are all here. i love that. it's fun to hang out.

good that ceily can hang with her cousins. one made her top ramen today. another one is going to fix her broken screen on her phone.

good that my sister will share her room with me. even though i make her turn the light out. it makes me "horrible" but i always say thanks.

good! good! good! that i have three babies to hold and snuggle and smell and love...thanks to bo, sunday and moses.

but it can be bad.

bad that i live two hours away and have to drive back tomorrow in the morning.

bad that i have to leave. it makes me lonely sometimes.

bad that i can't come back next weekend for mother's day. my mom told me not to.

we have to be back the following thursday and friday for page's wedding. (that's actually good.)

as i was thinking of these things, i realized that i haven't been able to see one of lana's soccer games this season. not one. i've been in arlington for all her games and have even made her miss a few so we could be here. it made me feel like a bad mother. it's good she has a better father that gets her there and cheers her on and even is her coach.

see, good and bad.

more good than bad.

that's good.

one more good thing.

cousins.

birds and bees and being pregnant

lately i've been thinking it's time i have that "talk" with lana. she's nine. i've seen that book on her bed. the book about her body. for some reason i haven't felt the need. i'm pretty sure i had already had "the talk" with ceily by this age. (after having the talk, she immediately proclaimed she was never going to do that!)

well, on sunday, as lana was in my bathtub taking a bath and i was at my mirror preparing for sunday church, i took the opportunity to discuss a few things. we didn't get all the way about how babies are made and such. puberty was the topic.

me: "lana, do you know what puberty is?"

lana: "i'm in stage two."

me: "huh..."

lana: "yeah, stage two."

me: "what are you talking about?"

lana: "you know that book? it says i'm in stage two. stage one is flat. stage two is fluffy like i am. stage three is when..."(editing.)

me: "well, that's true. your body is changing. eventually you will start getting hair on your body like under your arms and in other places like..."(editing)

lana: "gross! and on my legs. they are already hairy."

me: "yep. all those places. do you know what a period is?"

lana: "yes, when you bleed."

me: "that's right. it's called your menstrual cycle. it will happen every month..."

lana: 'i'm NEVER using a tampon!!! that is just wrong! ..."(editing)

i continued to explain how her body has tiny eggs that she needs to form babies. when those eggs get ready they travel through her fallopian tubes and if she's not pregnant, her uterus sheds the lining inside. if she was pregnant the baby would get nourishment from that lining instead of having a period...etc. i had a few other things to say. lana was quiet...

lana: "mom? am i pregnant?"

me: "no you are not pregnant! you have to have sex to be pregnant. and you only have sex when..."

lana: "i know. you only have sex when you are married."

me: "so, i'm positive you are not pregnant. just because you aren't having your period doesn't mean you are automatically pregnant. other things have to happen."

lana: "oh, good." (at this point there was a brief discussion about how she was going to have a c-section because she wasn't doing it the other way. it would hurt too much. i'll have summer take over educating her about c-sections.)

that was the end. i guess i could have continued with all the mechanics and such about getting pregnant. but i didn't feel it was necessary at that precise moment. she was content with what we had discussed. she was happy she wasn't pregnant and she didn't have to use a tampon.

she actually enlightened me about the 3 stages of breast development. who knew?

chris...

...returns tonight.

he's been away from us for a few. went to san diego to surf.

what the life he leads. i say it's a good thing he has a wife that supports him, huh?

it's true. absence does make the heart grow fonder.

as he was preparing to leave on his trip alone to surf, he mentioned he thought he had detected a bit of anger about him leaving. i told him i wasn't mad or angry. i was actually happy he was going. i'm glad he's able to travel and take vacations all alone. i did express some resentment. it's way, way, way easy for him to book a flight to the beach for 5 days. not as easy for me. so my momentary resentment is valid in my book. he agreed. i also mentioned i was looking forward to having the house all to myself. i would be all alone. alone. by myself. i like that.

i told him my favorite scene in the movie date night is with tina fey. she's in the car with steve carell and they are talking about fantasies. his has to do with cyndi lauper...hers has to do with being alone in a hotel room, reading a book and sipping her diet sprite, ALONE. all alone.

so, it's been nice to get the children off to school, locking the door behind them, and being alone. i have loved it. love it.

but i am soooo ready for chris to return. can't wait to wake up to his body next to mine. having him sit next to me at lacrosse games. having family prayer with the whole family. knowing he can drive one way when i have to drive another way. having him in the next room.

knowing he's there. i've missed him.

phone conversation

eddie: "hi mom."

me: "hi eddie, will you put noah on the phone?"

eddie: "NOOOO-AAAH!!!"

noah: "hello...?"

me: "noah, i forgot to ask you a question. kasi asked if you would be a ring bearer for page's wedding."

noah: "who is chelsey? what are you talking about..."

me: "not chelsey, aunt KASI. you know, page is getting married and they asked if you would be..."

noah: ...interrupting..."oh. yea."

me: "...page is getting married and they want to know if you would be the ring bearer..."

noah: interrupting..."yea."

me: "ok. great."

noah: "can i use your computer?"

me: "no. you need to read."

noah: "i already read for 20 minutes. can i get on the computer?"

me: "no. where is..."

noah: "please can i get on the computer?"

me: "no."

noah: "you said yes? thanks mom! bye!"

also forgot to mention...

...ceily got her phone back!!

this is sooo worthy of a blog post.

it's been a long haul.

for ceily and for chris and for me.

really. it has been A. LONG. HAUL.

many months of working hard to get good grades and hand in homework...did i mention what a long haul it's been?

tonight as we were in the car heading to ballet her phone kept buzzing with text message after text message after text message. she mentioned how hot her social life is. "i am back."

good job ceily. you deserve your phone back. you worked hard.

forgot to mention...

...ceily made a basket!!! not just one basket, but two!!!

it was pretty exciting for all.

now that church basketball is over, she can't make basket number 3 or 4 or 23, but here's to next year.

so proud of you ceily bee.

xoxox