soon

we left the house before all the stuff was
packed. ceily had just bid farewell to her best-ie. she was teary eyed. by the time we made it to the corner, she was heaving with sobs. silently, eddie's tears were falling in the back. i hear lana softly crying as we drove. all i want to do is tell them it will be ok...soon.

soon they will have more best friends. soon they will run through our new front door and never even think about the old one.

last night eddie was sobbing in bed. he missed his friends. as we all snuggled with our memories, noah was heard saying; "it's ok eddie. i miss my friends too."

chris had gathered us together, one last time, in an empty house, to kneel and thank our father in heaven for the life we had created within those walls. i know i have what's important- my family. together. but, it was hard closing the door. i like to think that maybe the new little family starting a life within, will feel an essence about them. maybe as the mother turns the water to fill the tub for her babies, the bubbles forming will pop with tiny glimpses of a sweet life had before. of babies splashing with laughter; water spilling over. of children running up and down the stairs, shouting. of parents holding hands on the front porch swing. a baby girl taking her first steps. a newborn's first smile. a beautiful girl becoming 12. a boy kicking soccer balls out back. love and happiness.

all the happenings making up a lifetime.

waiting for us within the walls of our new home.

soon.

quote of the day

eddie: "mom, since we want this to be the sleep over to remember forever, will you kindly let us keep the light on so we can stay up all night until 7:30 in the morning?"
me: "kindly?"
eddie: "yes, kindly please?"

my super hero

we'll be...

... moving in 11 days.

i've been cleaning out the cupboards. today was the pantry's turn. lots of old, expired cans of food. my refrigerator is pretty bare. yesterday eddie declined mac and cheese because "that's all we have been eating!"

today chris came to me and asked: "is there any expired food i can eat for lunch?"

i guess i need to go to the grocery store.

child labor

for a few weeks, but it seems for forever, he's been wanting a hat. every time we go to the store he wants to go to the other store to get this hat. $40 is "all" he needs. no, no, no, no, no. my answers. i told him he could maybe put it on his christmas list. he explained to me he won't be able to find this kind of hat in va. he HAS to get it here.

finally i told him he can earn the money. he's been brainstorming ideas to earn some moolah. mostly the brainstorms consist of asking me or chris what he can do.

he told me he saw the kind of hat he wants at walmart. my most un-favorite store. he said "of course" when i gave him the opportunity to clean my car. he got to work. he would come inside asking for vacuums and washcloths and bags to collect all the junk.

sweat in beads upon his forehead. he's a hard worker.

finally he's done and he did a great job. really great. his father said he could clean his car too. he'd pay him lots of dollars. this father's car is a sight to see. (eddie declined the offer. the car is pretty bad.)
he has been mowing the lawn and babysitting for me. EDDIE! EDDIE! HE'S MY MAN!

so we pile into the car, and because i never have cash, i buy him the hat. and it's only $10. ten dollars i say. i still un-love walmart, but i'll admit you can't beat the prices.

he wears it to the beach. to the pool. to bed.
he's a happy boy. (except when i ask him to clean his room. or do the dishes. or take the trash out. or make his bed.)

this one...

we have been doing some cleaning around here.

lana: "you know what mom?
me: "what hon."
lana: "i think i clean better when i have music on."
me: "it does seem to make it easier, huh?"
lana: "it really does."
then she turned with a smile and continued to clean her room.

love her

love her. love her. love her.
the other day i was talking to her about babysitting. i will be in dc on friday. i mentioned she may have to babysit. there was a bit of an instant sparkle in her eyes as she quickly replied yes. i continued to explain it would be lana and noah and dad would be occupied elsewhere.
ceily: "huh? dad will be here? no. i don't want to do it. i thought you meant i would be here while you and dad were out of town."
now i understand the extra sparkle.

imagine

...yourself sitting at the beach. your head is resting. your eyes are closed. your feet are touching sand and water. the perfect breeze is blowing and you feel it against your cheeks. you feel the sun beating down, warming your body. you hear the breeze as it blows by.

you listen to the water. cresting, breaking, crashing, rolling, lapping.
again and again and again and again.
you are almost to the blissful point of slumber. almost.
you hear two little ones at your feet playing and digging and talking.

that's me. at the beach. trying to soak it all in. not enough time or days to get it all.
i need a reserve.
it will be gone soon.

i just...

...woke from a dream of a run-a-way elephant that was after me. i called 911 and they said they could help me on Wednesday...in my dream it was Sunday. i told the nice, calm lady they needed to come now! that they needed to shoot the elephant. as i waited for the rescue team, i continued to hide, hoping the elephant wouldn't find me. i was sure if i hid in the glass enclosures i was passing, the elephant would see me and break the glass and get me. but if i didn't go inside the enclosures, he would smell me and track me down.

then i woke up because my foot was cramping.

(i wonder if chris had a similar dream.)