this is way too long, but...

i just returned home from my parent's house. have been there for 6 days. love it. the house and my parents. wanted to stay longer because every day i got to see this.

and hold her. and smell her. and touch her wonderful hair. and stare at her for a long time. and change her. and contemplate ways to steal her home. but noah said he would call sean, her father, and tell him what i had done. (thanks a lot noah! i thought you loved me the most.)
but look at her! i want her!

i also love and missed my husband so we came home.
i had to stay one more day because the temple isn't open on monday.

i got to the temple in time to make the 8 o'clock session. the kindly white clad gentleman took my little card, scanned it, changed his expression and asked: "how long has it been since you've been here?" me: "well, a long time." (my. i thought they didn't judge at the temple.) he then showed me the date...2006, and informed me it had expired.(in 2008, not 2006, just fyi.) me, expressing disbelief: "huh, that's the wrong one. i just got a new one." i quickly found my not expired card, handed it to the little man and he then informed me it had not been entered into the computer.

OH MY GOODnESS! I'M GOING TO MISS ThE 8 O'CLOCK SESSION!! I JUsT WANT TO GO TO THe TEMPLE! JUST ONCE! YOU JUsT TOLD ME IT HAD BEEn A LONG TIME!

i didn't really say that, but that's what i was thinking.

man: "please do me a favor and take this to the clerk and tell him it hasn't been entered. and take your old card and put it in your journal."

me: "ok. i will."

me, to another old man clad all in white: "he told me to ask for the clerk. this has not been entered into the computer."
old man 2: "he let you in? he's not suppose to do that...come with me."
me to self: i'm not going to make the 8 o'clock session...
old man 2 to old man 3: "this lady was allowed in because they told her at the front desk her card had not been entered...and to come to the clerk..."
i saw these two men give each other the eye. but number 3 said to follow him. so i did.
after he replaced some returned keys in a door that was having a hard time opening, he had me follow him..
old man 3: "we have to log in every time. this computer takes forever. i hope this works. no. let's see. maybe this does. no. hum, oh here we go. ok, what's your name...here it is. is this your bishop? do you think he's at home at this hour or at work.(home?) hello, bishop young, this is old man number 3 at the washington dc temple, i have a YOUNG LADY here and she wants to attend the temple after a very long time (he didn't really say the very long time part.)"

this is were there was silence. for a long time it seemed to me. was my recent bishop telling why my card had not been entered? did he deem me not worthy and had purposely asked the clerk to not update my renewed temple recommend?...i just want to make the 8 o'clock session...that's all i want to do...

old man 3: "ok. thank you very much. you have a wonderful day. now let's see here. usually you just click on this and it automatically updates the records. but that's not working. (he gives a little chuckle.) let's see if this works. no. (he tries again. still didn't work.) i can do this... ok. now, is this you? wait. i just called south carolina and it says here your ward is in richmond."
me: "yes, i just moved from sc to richmond."
old man 3: "well, i don't think that's right. i should call your current bishop. did this work...yes. i think it did. we're all set. here's your card. enjoy your day."

i made it to the 8 o'clock session.

i sat there, all clad in white, thanking my heavenly father for his spirit that instantly engulfed me. engulfed me with comfort and strength and love and peace. i'm sitting in the quietness, thinking how overpowering the world is. kicking myself for not coming to the temple more often because of the love i feel within those walls.

whenever i enter the temple, i also think of a short story by steve martin. CRUEL SHOES. about these incredibly ugly pair of black and white pumps.

"...both were left feet, one had a right angled turn with separate compartments that pointed the toes in impossible directions. The other shoe was six inches long and was curved inward like a rocking chair with a vise and razor blades to hold the foot in place""Put them on me.""But...""Put them on me!"Carlo knew all arguments were useless. He knelt down before her and forced the feet into the shoes.The screams were incredible.Anna crawled over to the mirror and held her bloody feet up where she could see."I like them."She paid Carlo and crawled out of the store into the street.

why do i think of this as i enter into the temple? because i think about the cruel shoes being the world. there's nothing worse then having to walk around in shoes that are killing you. but you have to do it sometimes. i have to live in the world. i even wanted to live in this world and i have to accept all that is handed to me, cruel and otherwise. i love my life. really love it. but sometimes it seems "cruel." but i have a respite.

the temple.

in the temple i can take my shoes off, put them aside, take care of my sores, rest my burdens for a bit. when it's time to enter the real world again i actually want to put those shoes back on. i'm reminded as i sit feeling the love of the lord, i'll have another opportunity to take my shoes off again and gather that which i need to walk my life.

i'm happy the 3 kind, old men let me in there yesterday. it had been too long.

p.s. just one more.